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From the National Christian Foundation in San Diego, I’m Kim Moeller, and this is the Generous Girl podcast, a show that shares inspirational stories about generosity through faith,
family, finances, fitness, and friendships, as well as deep thoughts about what matters most and practical tips. My guests are all amazing women who have overcome adversity and are big believers in hope,
and in maximizing their time, their talents, and their their treasures, and making their lives count. So we’re so happy that you’re here. Thanks for joining us. –
Hi everyone,
welcome back to the Generous Girl podcast. I’m really excited to introduce you today to my guest, Audra Ames. Audra is a certified financial planner, and she lives in Indianapolis,
Indiana. And I know you’re going to be thrilled to hear her story. story. I will let her tell the details, but suffice it to say, she also has a real heart for widows as our prior podcast guest,
Janice Thompson did. And you will see why when you hear her story. So welcome, Audra, it’s so great to have you. – Thank you, I’m so excited to be here, Kim. – Yes,
I love that we met through a mutual friend on Zoom (laughs) I thought meeting you and your story would be wonderful to have you as a guest, so I really appreciate your time and being here today.
Of course, it’s just such a blessing and I’m grateful to just share my story, which is other widow stories as well, and just really God’s hope in the way that he can restore your heart after you’ve gone through a loss.
Well, we are all grateful and I know people will be so blessed by your story.
So let’s start with. talking about what part of the country did you grow up in? You know,
as I said, you’re in the Midwest now, but where’d you grow up? And then where did you meet Scott, your husband? Yes. So I grew up about two and a half hours west of here in central Illinois.
It’s a small farm town called Leroy, about 4 ,000 people, um, which was a really cool place to grow up. Everyone knew everyone went to kindergarten through 12th grade with the same people.
Um, so it was just awesome to, you know, you grew up with the same people and it was just such a blessing. So I was about 20 miles from Illinois state and about the same from the University of Illinois,
um, over in central Illinois. And so when it came time to go to college, I was like, man, like I love you all, but I’ve already done 12 years with you. I kind of want to go do something else and just kind of get out of central Illinois.
So I ended up just going about two hours east of home to Indiana State University. So it was just far enough where I told mom she couldn’t just meet me for dinner, but it was also close enough where I could go home on a Friday night for the weekends and I wasn’t too far.
So was it Indiana State? I transferred there my last two years, did just a small junior college. My first two just stayed close to home, saved some money, and then it was the last semester.
of college at a bar that I met Scott.
So he came up to me and the funny story about it is that I had already gotten my full -time job at Vallejo where I met now and he was already commissioned to be a pilot in the Air Force.
And so I met him at a time where I was like, I’m not dating anybody. Like I’ve got this five -year plan of my career and I’m gonna be doing all these things and like I’m not getting married. I’m not having kids. kids. And then of course,
as God always does, he was like, well, actually, I have a different plan for you. And so Scott came up to me at a bar and went on a date, I think it was two days later and we just never stopped hanging out after that.
– Wow, and then I remember correctly, you ended up in the South, one of my daughters went to school in Alabama. So we became familiar with grits and sweet ice peas.
(laughing) and those kind of things. Yeah. Yeah. So Scott, he was stationed down at Columbus Air Force Base in Columbus, Mississippi. And so we had a beautiful river home down there moved kind of in the heart of COVID in May about 2021 or 2020,
I’m sorry. And so I lived down there for about a year and a half or two years kind of through his passing and then after as well. Okay. So you dated then how long and then.
kids, like you got to have someone that’s going to take care of that child and someone that you know and trust that you can name. And so a lot of times I found just telling them my story and then being like, Oh, wow, like this is actually important.
And hopefully it doesn’t happen to me, but it’s not an impossible thing to happen to me. I know has often been really, it’s been really receptive by people.
So you have a number of estate planning attorneys,
you connect them with them, you’re the CFP, and then do you like give them a checklist? checklist? Have you need these documents? Make sure you have your POA, your power of attorney, your will.
Yep. Yep. Yeah. So that’s typically what we’ll do. And then I can just kind of work through them sometimes and say, Hey, these are all the things like if you have a kid, you know, or multiple children, like you do need to name a guardian in there.
So just I typically try to work through with people, you know, think through is there, you know, if you don’t have siblings, is there a close family friend that you would trust, you know, like, do you want your kid? to still go to their same school and have their same friends?
And maybe it’s a really close family friend that lives near you, or maybe it’s important that it be a family member, then maybe the child does have to move, but if that’s important, just walking through kind of all of those decisions with people.
– Mm -hmm. And I think one of the goals of this podcast is to empower the listener so that if something happens, God forbid that woman from the knowledge that she’s…
heard and the stories she’s heard, she feels like that much more prepared and that much more with the different five pillars we address. She’s taken the steps in each area from the wisdom of all these incredible women that I’ve gotten to interview.
So I love that about your story because you are definitely helping the woman in that area of finances too. be more empowered because like go ahead and tell what we were talking about before the podcast about you know the percentages of the men that pass away before the women and your story you know you were in your 20s but odds are you know many people it is that the man who passes before the woman.
Yeah so in general the average age of a widow is 50 and so a lot of times too like if you ask someone to think of when they think of a widow, what do they think of a lot of people think of someone who’s much,
much older, like they think of a woman in her 80s or 90s and her husband just passed away, right? It’s not typically your 24 year old that looks like me or a 40 year old or that’s not people don’t often think of it being a young person,
but the average age is 50. And then in the baby mover generation, for instance, 80 % of those men will die. die married. So that just means that 80 % of couples in that generation,
there’s going to be a widow, which is pretty substantial. And, you know, when you think about that generation, you know, those women are the ones that they did a lot of the day -to -day finances, but the husband’s majority were the ones that did the long -term finances.
And so it’s so critical that women especially, and I always try to empower my clients that if the men are the only ones. coming to meetings, like the wife has to be involved, if at anything just to know I exist and to call me if something happens,
but more so because they need to have a basic understanding as a woman, you need to know what is going on and have that basic understanding and to be involved because it is empowering when you know that you’re going to be taken care of and that you know what’s going on.
But also, you know, unfortunately, bad things do happen and loss does happen. or divorce happens, or anything like that can happen. Just being able to be prepared and know that you have the knowledge of what’s going on in your financial lives is just really important.
Yeah, that’s so good, so good. Talk to everybody about how I just feel like you have a real joyful spirit,
and you radiate hope, and I know you talked about… about wanting to start your own podcast about, you know, to kind of reach out to people that might be going through a season of grieving. So talk to people with,
as you help people, and now you’re, you know, a couple of years down the road from when you lost your husband, like to encourage the listener who might be going through a really hard time or feel really alone.
Like how has God met you during this time? And… And how can you encourage someone who might feel like, “Where is he right now? It feels like I’m all alone.” And I’d love for you to just share how you feel like God met you.
Maybe it was through people or circumstances. I mean, you shared on the bridge, which is a beautiful story. But any other way where someone is looking at their finances or their family situation,
just to give them hope that God is there with them. them. – Absolutely, well, I just thank you so much for that sweet comment. I mean, it’s definitely not me, it’s just God that’s just shown me hope and joy.
So I thank you. But, you know, there’s been so many instances, I think, where in that early grief, especially, I remember so vividly that I was just, I mean,
amid tears just being like, God, please. Like, I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t understand. It’s not okay. It hurts. This is terrible. Like, what are you doing? And my youth pastor from high school had reached out and he told me just something that stuck with me forever.
And he’s like, “It’s okay to be angry at God because he can take it.” Like, don’t let that anger be taken out on other people. Like, be angry at God because you’ll understand at some point maybe you’ll never fully understand and it’s not okay that Scott died.
Like, it is sad. But it’s okay to be angry at God. be angry and you have to be angry because it has to come out at some point. So I remember that being a very valuable thing I learned. But through that anger though,
I feel like God really brought me closer to him. And he was like, okay, like you can be angry at me, but you got to learn about me if you’re gonna be angry about me, be angry at me. And so it really just provided me an opportunity to just really dig in.
And I think I read the book of Job probably four times. And I’m like, all right. right, like you just, like, Job was really, Job really went through it and somehow still came out at the end just with so much hope and joy and,
you know, but he was angry in the midst, right? And so I just read a lot of Job and just really dug into going, making sure I went to church every Sunday. And I just, I took the steps that I could to keep moving forward because there were a lot of things in that moment that,
especially that first year where there’s just a lot out of my control. You know like I couldn’t control Scott dying and I couldn’t control a lot of what happened around me at the time but I’m like what I can control is where my heart goes and where my you know do I let my grief just take over me and become just the shell of myself that I did feel like for a really long time or do I make Scott proud and make
my myself proud and just take those little steps? And so I would encourage anyone that’s going through anything tough to, you know, Scott was always so good at reminding me of the things that I could control in life.
And so I would daily, I would write down, like what can I control today?
Like I woke up and I’m like, well, today I’m feeling kind of sad and I’ve already cried and it’s 7 a .m. and that’s okay,
but what can I control today? And then Scott always every day too. would tell me to think of three things I was grateful for. So I would always go through and do three things I was grateful for. So for many days,
it was the hummingbirds on our porch and the beautiful ferns and the sunshine. But then I would go through and I’d say, okay, what is something that I can control today? And so some days what I could control was simply just getting out of bed and making the bed.
And I’m like, okay, well, I accomplished one thing today. Like getting our bed before 10am was an accomplishment. and then some days it escalated and I was able to go on a walk and I was able to go do something with friends and I think increasing that confidence in yourself by just saying what’s one thing or two things that I know I can do today that is in my control it increases your confidence in yourself and
when you can do that I think it allows you to have more courage to get through those tough things because I think when you do don’t have that confidence, you’re just like, I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. And I just,
this is a really large thing I’m looking at. And, you know, there were so many days that there was no light at the end of the tunnel for me. I just looked forward and I’m like, I have no idea how I will ever see hope and joy in the world right now because I am so angry and this is so terrible.
But through just those little things that God was showing me and just those little acts of gratitude and those little confidence.
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