Ruth McKeaney [00:00:04]:
We are all hungry for home in a world where healthy things are completely becoming a lost heart. But it is not lost yet. Restoration is always possible. Great things can grow out of ruins. Families can thrive in places that were once unfit for life.
Hungry for Home
Kim Moeller
Have you ever thought of building your home with the intention that you put into so many other things in your life, such as maybe your job or your workouts or your nutrition, your finances? Well, it’s an area that can often get overlooked, and yet how significant is it to be intentional about the homes we’re building, whether we’re married, whether we’re single? And today, I have a guest who this is her calling. This is her message. This is what God has asked her to focus on and talk about and influence others about. And you’re just going to love this conversation. So thanks for being here and wait until you meet my guest, Ruth McKeaney.
Kim Moeller [00:01:15]:
Meet Ruth McKeaney
Welcome to the Generous Girl podcast. Today is a great day because I have Ruth McKinney in the house, and she is the author of the book Hungry for Home. And she also is the one behind the popular Instagram channel called Hungry for Home. And she and her husband, Bob, have five kids and live in a beautiful historic home in Pennsylvania. And she is a constant host to literally thousands of people over the years, and she goes to the heart of what it takes and for someone to feel at home in someone’s home. And every day, her goal is to make her home a safe place so her family and her guests have the opportunity to have deeper needs met. And she thinks of it as intentional homemaking and because it’s creating that setting where vulnerability and honesty are valued and protected. And she’s on a mission today to help recover this richness of community that’s been lost in the hustle and bustle of today.
Kim Moeller [00:02:13]:
So welcome, Ruth.
Ruth McKeaney [00:02:14]:
Thank you, Kim. It’s so nice. It’s an honor to be here.
Kim Moeller [00:02:18]:
Well, it’s wonderful to have you here on the show, and I enjoy following you. And I know you have a television series as well where people can see your daughter’s wedding and your conversation with friends, conversation with your husband. And I had heard from Julie Wilson, Women Doing Well, you need to meet my friend Ruth, and she’d be great to have her on your podcast. And you and I were fortunate to be able to be at the same event last fall. And I just think your story is so inspirational because whether someone is a working mom, a stay at home mom, maybe they are single, maybe they have kids, they don’t have kids, The importance of beauty and the home and the intentionality that you’re weaving in what you’re creating is just so timely, and it’s so motivational, I think, for each of us and what God’s given each of us to steward. So it’s just a privilege.
Intentional Family Culture
Ruth McKeaney [00:03:14]:
That one topic, that topic of home, which I think crosses every single boundary. Yes. Atomic, everything. Single, not single, working, not working. We all have families. Yes. How we steward the responsibility of a home and how to create intentional family culture, it applies to everyone else.
Kim Moeller [00:03:34]:
Mhmm. It really does. And, you know, sometimes we have amazing examples of friends or neighbors or family or moms or grandmas, and sometimes we don’t have any of those examples, and we think, how do I do this? And how do I create this? And I know you’ll share your story, but the book that you created, Hungry for Home, is just such a beautiful, like, table conversation book and all those photos, and it’s just lovely. So I think it’s been a wonderful journey that you’ve been on, and let’s catch the listener up on how it all got started.
Kim Moeller [00:04:11]:
Whether it’s a coffee table book or a cookbook because it’s all true.
Ruth McKeaney [00:04:15]:
Oh, yeah. Very true. No. Good point. A beautiful cookbook. Yes. Yes. My youngest daughter is getting married, and her sister put together this book for her for their bachelorette, which I thought was such a great idea where she got a recipe from each of her best friends.
Ruth McKeaney [00:04:32]:
They had, like, 13 girls who were on this trip. And then the left side of this book was the recipe from that friend, and then the right side was pictures with her and the bride on the other. And she has this hard, you know, coffee table book. I thought that’s a neat idea too.
Ruth McKeaney [00:04:46]:
Or it’s almost like a junior league cookbook. Right? It’s Yes. Your friends getting together to do that. Yeah. Exactly. The heart behind the book when I started.
Kim Moeller [00:04:56]:
Well, you’re very talented. Very, very talented. So let’s start with when you were an attorney, and you’re out of college.
A Heart for Hospitality
Ruth McKeaney [00:05:11]:
Well, I’ll take a two second snippet into even before then and why I’ve had a heart for the family. Perfect. Or hospitality. Maybe I do that. You know, my grandfather as well as my great uncle, Billy Graham, Bob Pierce, and another gentleman, they met in a Bible study for years. And out of that was birthed a number of major ministries from BGA, Youth for Christ, Navigators, and World Vision. My grandfather then went to Asia.
Well, he was all over the world, but raised his family primarily in Asia. So my dad was one of six and didn’t come back to the states till he was a late teenager. And, actually went to Claremont, My mom who was at Berkeley. But, we, for a time, lived with my grandparents, and they had people constantly through their home. I mean, Corrie ten Boom was one of my grandmother’s best friends.
Kim Moeller [00:06:11]:
Wow.
Ruth McKeaney [00:06:12]:
We had people either doing their sabbaticals or furloughs or and I remember thinking, wow. Look what everything we do to take care of these people. And it wasn’t till later when I realized how formative it was for me. So that’s why when I encourage hospitality or intentional family culture, It’s how to bless people in and through your home. So it’s a two-edged thing. So that kind of shows you where my heart for family is, and we grew up moving all over the country my whole life. So the only thing that to me really was home was the family. So fast forward, I go to law school.
Former Law Career
And, I became an assistant DA and then an assistant attorney general. And I’m living in Richmond at the time. I’m close to 30 when I met my husband and within a couple months of getting married, he announced to me or actually he didn’t announce it. He did quote unquote ask if I’d be willing to move to Philadelphia to for him to go work in a family business. And at the time, my mentor was an appellate court of appeals judge, and he later became a Virginia Supreme Court judge. But he took me to lunch, and he threw out this Newsweek magazine into the center of the table.
And on the cover was family businesses. Most don’t make it to the second generation. And he said, have you read this? And has your husband read it? And does he know what you’re giving up for this? And I started laughing and I said, I mean, I’m one of six. I’m the oldest of six. I always knew I wanted a big family, and I always knew I would stay home eventually. So to me, it was just the natural progression. Of course, we’re going to move there. I’m gonna be a stay at home mom.
And somebody that was discipling my husband simultaneously took him out and said, Ruth is gonna have a major identity crisis. And they said you could see it. So we moved to Philadelphia. So that’s a several month process. And during that time, I also became pregnant. We hadn’t sold our house, so we lived in nine places our first year of marriage.
Nine places. All we had was our suitcase, and we went from whoever would keep us for a couple months or a month.
Ruth McKeaney [00:08:31]:
No stress with that. Oh.
and I’m pregnant.
Kim Moeller [00:08:36]:
Oh my goodness.
Ruth McKeaney [00:08:36]:
And I didn’t know anybody. It was hands down the hardest. I remember my mom saying this is so good for you. It’s getting you out of your bubble, and you don’t realize how you become. It’s just natural to rely on your own strength. And the Lord is saying, I’m taking you completely out of your strength.
Kim Moeller[00:08:56]:
Mhmm. Mhmm.
First Home Purchase
Ruth McKeaney [00:08:57]:
So that first year, I had started going to a bible study called CBS community bible study. And I said to my husband, I know where I want us to live when we can buy a house. So we met a realtor and this realtor said, how much can the two of you afford? And we told her and she burst out laughing. And she said, you can’t live here. Well, two weeks later, she calls us and says, are you afraid of hard work? And I said, of course not. She had us meet her. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the movie, the Philadelphia story, but there was a movie, way back when, called the Philadelphia story. It was about the Montgomery Scott estate outside of Philadelphia.
Ruth McKeaney [00:09:38]:
And on that property were these little houses they called the Banjo Town. All the help lived in these tiny houses. And one of them was sliding off the foundation, and she said, this is what you can afford. I remember at that point, I had a brand new baby. I’m sitting on the floor in tears, and Bob said, let’s go to Home Depot and learn. And that became February yeah. Right before two years. Eighteen months later, that same realtor came to us and said, I can double your money.
So we sold, and we realized we were really good at what we were doing. So we began to flip houses for sixteen years. We moved every eighteen months to two years. And during that sixteen years, had five kids. Almost all the houses, we did the work ourselves. And I don’t mean cosmetic work. I’m talking houses down to the studs. You know, whoever took a shower had to wash the dishes that were in the bathtub before because there was no kitchen.
Kim Moeller [00:10:36]:
You know? So we’re talking, I mean, nail guns everywhere, saws everywhere. And I had four girls in five years, and then three years later, I had my son. So it was crazy. And that was the first sixteen years, of our story.
Kim Moeller [00:10:56]:
How’d you keep your marriage healthy, alive during that time?
Ruth McKeaney [00:11:02]:
I actually wrote a paper not a paper. I wrote an article and Focus on the Family about this. Bob and I sat down. I think it was before our second house, and we had gone we didn’t have money. We literally had nothing. We used to play games on our bed at night and keep track in the lids of the car of the because we didn’t couldn’t even go out to eat. Everything we made poured into the next house.
And we were in Barnes and Noble because you know how they have those magazine racks and the coffee shop in there?
Kim Moeller [00:11:33]:
Mhmm. Mhmm.
Kim Moeller [00:11:34]:
The magazines for free and put them back up. So we’re in this place, and each one of us had our own yellow legal pad of paper. And we would go through all the home magazines and write down those things that were our dreams or desires for the upcoming house or, you know, the tips of flooring we wanted or kitchen, and we would keep a list. And at the end of that, Bob would show me his list of nonnegotiables, and I would show him my list of nonnegotiables. And there was something so awesome about I mean, when you’re in that process of flipping houses, you’re making hundreds of decisions.
Little decisions all the time. Mhmm. You don’t always care about the decision, but the other person might. And what that did was I mean, my nonnegotiables were always the kitchen. It was always putting a fireplace into the kitchen. I just had my things and then bought these things. It gave that person the permission to make their own decisions without worrying about the other person. And it really cleaned up
Kim Moeller [00:12:47]:
I love that.
Ruth McKeaney [00:12:49]:
We entered into it on the same page. Mhmm. And we’re supposed to try to navigate that daily.
Kim Moeller [00:12:55]:
Right. Right.
Ruth McKeaney [00:12:57]:
So one thing that I think Bob and I did incredibly well was and the testament to that is we came out of all this stronger than we did going into it, which is pretty miraculous. I mean, you’re talking about moving every eighteen months, having babies in every house, and redoing every house. It’s just and he’s running his own company. It’s a lot. But we really prioritized our marriage above the project. Mhmm.
Kim Moeller [00:13:25]:
And I think like you said, when you know kind of, okay, this is your domain or wheelhouse. You’re going to focus here. I’m going to focus here, but we’re doing it complementing each other rather than stepping on each other’s toes or wasting time.
Delegating Preferences
Ruth McKeaney [00:13:40]:
Supporting each other. You know? Right. I’ll give you an example in the latest house, and we’ll get into the house I’m in. But, you know, I had said, I’m in charge of the kitchen. I don’t even want you to see it. I’m gonna surprise you. I’m gonna do it. And I had designed this whole island.
It had old barn wood and then it had marble.And with the Amish, I had designed it. And the day they brought it to the house, the Amish gentleman called me. He’s like, miss, we can’t get it in the house. You never measured your house.
Ruth McKeaney [00:14:08]:
The door.
I had to humbly call Bob. We can’t get in the house. And he told me I had to take out all the windows and all the trim, and he, to this day, was like, it will never leave.
Kim Moeller [00:14:27]:
Right. Right. You know, in marriage, I think early on when you think you’re so similar, right, when you get married, oh, my soulmate, and we’re just gonna you know, this is going to be our life. And then the way men are wired differently, think differently, and I felt like I learned early on, I’ve got to embrace the differences and not fight them and feel like, okay. My brain is the spaghetti and all connected, and then his is the waffles all in compartments. And not trying to make that well, think like I do, but okay. Let me let me maximize what he’s how he can think in a way that I can’t think.
Ruth McKeaney [00:15:09]:
And not only that, it’s like you begin to value what the other person values.Right. He literally was able to say to himself, those things are really important to her. Right. I’m going to honor that and vice versa. Instead of us not not realizing that in advance and arguing over something the other one doesn’t even care about.
Ruth McKeaney [00:15:33]:
Exactly. Yes. Yes. So true. No. Very validating and respectful. That’s important to you. Then we’re going to put that first.
Kim Moeller [00:15:43]:
Front and center, and that’s important to you. We’re going to put that first. That’s wonderful. So okay. So, tell us about your current house.
Pennsylvania Farm House
Ruth McKeaney [00:15:52]:
My mom died. It was a while ago. And we were wanting a place that would have a guest house for my dad to have in the event in the future he would need it. We landed on this three hundred and three hundred and five year old, 307 year old. Anyway, 307 year old, whatever it is. That William Penn had deeded. We are the fourth people on the deed in three hundred and seven years.
Ruth McKeaney [00:16:22]:
So every family kept it for a hundred years. Wow. And, it has two guest homes, so it has even more than but but there were not even photos on the Internet because it was in shambles. There were trees growing in the third floor. There were I mean, and you didn’t just have to do the homes, the three homes, but the property. So this was kind of going to be our you know, the the big one that we did. And, I mean, there were times we had to, yeah, sleep outside or I mean, it was a whole another ballgame. So that’s where we are right now.
Kim Moeller [00:17:03]:
Mhmm. Like, it’s becoming your life’s work, really.
Ruth McKeaney [00:17:07]:
Yeah. Even even like once you put in the barn, because the it was a dairy farm. It was originally 300 acres. And it was a dairy farm, and the farm burned down in the fifties. So we wanted to rebuild the barn. I mean, the barn burned down in fifties. So Bob sat the kids down because now they’re all beginning to enter teenage years, and we knew the cost to our family would be great. And I don’t mean financial.
Ruth McKeaney [00:17:32]:
And Bob said, listen. I have five athletes, five very busy kids. We aren’t going to do this unless the whole family’s in. Mhmm. And he wanted to pay cash for the barn, so we went and flipped another house as a family, and the family did the work. So he’s done a great job of making sure that our family, didn’t pay.
Kim Moeller [00:17:57]:
Right. They’re not resentful. Mhmm. Mhmm. And we had a similar situation in a different way with our family, and I know we have all kinds of listeners. Some who listen and, you know, flip homes, others who never owned a home kind of thing. But just the communication, I think, with your with kids is so important, and you and I are in the same stage. My kids are all out of the house right now.
Ruth McKeaney [00:18:23]:
And I know you’re a little behind me. But as adults, like, my husband took a job when our youngest was three, and it was going to involve a ton of global travel. And so I didn’t want us to be one of those statistics where, well, dad was always gone, and the kids never saw him, and then they were resentful of that global travel for the kingdom, you know, like, great reasons for
what even more resentfulness. Uh-huh.
Kim Moeller[00:18:48]:
But I had read a book that John Maxwell had written, and he talked about getting a job and negotiating with that board. Like, this is great. I’m going to travel a lot, but I’d like to bring my family on one trip a year, one global trip internationally a year. And so I told my husband, hey. Why don’t you do this as he was negotiating this new role? And he did that, and it allowed every year for our family to go some place. I mean, sometimes it was domestic, and maybe it was speaking at some camp. But other times, it was overseas to China or, you know, England or it was Mexico.
Keeping the Kids A Priority
Kim Moeller [00:19:30]:
And that really, really changed the game for the kids because then they were like, where okay. Dad’s dad’s here in this place. Where are we going?
Ruth McKeaney [00:19:38]:
Right. See that their dad is keeping them a priority.
Kim Moeller [00:19:43]:
Yes. Exactly.
Ruth McKeaney [00:19:46]:
We were initially taken out by that couple when we first got married who said, if we had a suggestion for you, go away once or twice a year, and your entire focus for those two nights is to discuss where you’re at in your marriage and where your family is and to create a mission statement as a family. What do you value? So that as you’re moving forward, whenever you begin to see yourself shift from that, you can reorient yourselves. And that was probably one of the greatest pieces of advice that we got because then we didn’t feel like we were constantly playing pickup Right. With our kids or defense, but we were able to be ahead of where things were. And then our kids really understood what we value. I think that’s what, you know, I really and we’ll talk about the book. But for me, that intentional family culture, you know, everyone has one. The question is, are you intentional about creating what that is or it’s going to happen? And, so, anyway so, yes, sixteen years later, we do this house.
Kim Moeller [00:20:46]:
No. I think that statement you just said is why you’re doing what you’re doing.
Ruth McKeaney [00:20:50]:
Yes.
Kim Moeller [00:20:51]:
Because if we don’t think about it, it does just happen. Yeah. And then you can look back and go, but that’s not what I wanted to create necessarily. Okay. Wait. I don’t want that to be my story. I want to be in touch. Right.
Kim Moeller [00:21:04]:
Right. Right.
Ruth McKeaney [00:21:04]:
Well, and I you know, I was even speaking at something, and it’s like, do you want to get to the end of your life and be like, what is my legacy? I want to be very aware that I’m creating it all the time.
Kim Moeller [00:21:19]:
Yes. Yes.
Ruth McKeaney[00:21:20]:
And you don’t want get to the teenage years with your kids, and you’ve not established strong a strong fabric in your family that can withstand what’s coming. Right. Because it’s coming. Do you know what I mean? Mhmm. Even if it’s like people who marry into your family or what they go through as a teenager. And so how is your communication ahead of time, and how have you crafted an environment that’s safe. So that, yeah, that is my heart. So, yeah, I guess I’ll pick up where, you know, we bought this place.
Kim Moeller[00:21:54]:
And, this would come into where we’re talking about Uncle Hubert, which I’m so sure.
Uncle Hubert
Ruth McKeaney [00:22:02]:
Oh, here I am. And just to kind of set the stage, my oldest daughter at this point is leaving for college. And I’m also starting perimenopause, which is a whole hot mess for women. I think it’s crazy how, you know, obviously, those times often are at the same time, and it’s a hard time to go through those things. But what that time period did for me was you began to realize or at least I began to realize, oh my goodness. My kids are leaving. Mhmm. And if you had asked me before, is your identity in your children? I would have said, absolutely not.
Ruth McKeaney [00:22:40]:
You have no idea how it creeps in.
Kim Moeller [00:22:43]:
So true.
Ruth McKeaney[00:22:43]:
You begin to feel like your purpose is walking out the door when they leave. And, that’s a scary place to be, particularly when I had gone through such a major shift at the beginning of my marriage. Mhmm. You know, being a successful trial lawyer to staying at home and pouring everything. I mean, when I first chose to do that, I said, I’m all in. I’m giving everything. And you don’t realize that you’re actually going to have more time when they leave than you even did when they were home. And what have you done to prepare for? So this is where I’m at.
Ruth McKeaney [00:23:26]:
I realized I’ve done nothing to prepare for it because I’m not going back to practicing law. And I’m getting very tired of working on houses and flipping houses. Not that there aren’t things that I can continue to do collaborating with Bob, but I’m getting weary. So my daughter’s leaving, and my Uncle, who’s from Jackson Hole, happened to be visiting. He often stayed with us for weeks at a time. And he was visiting, and he called me. I hear this voice from my living room, and he said, Ruthie, will you come sit with me? So I went into the living room, and I sit down next. And he said, may I ask you a very, very personal question? And I said, sure, uncle Hibbert.
Am I Trusting God for Something Way Bigger than Myself and My Resources?
Ruth McKeaney [00:24:05]:
He said, may I ask you, what are you depending on the Lord for right now? And I said, besides raising my five children, is that not enough? He was like, yeah besides that.
Ruth McKeaney [00:24:20]:
And I said nothing. And he said, I had a sense that that was the case because you and Bob have become so good at what you do that you’ve left very little room for ways in which you can see God work and He gets the glory, not you and Bob. And he said, may I challenge you? And I said, yes. He said, here’s my challenge. My challenge is that you ask the Lord to give you a vision beyond your resources, beyond your financial means, your personal capital, and your education so that you get to see Him work and He gets the glory, not yours. And if you’re willing and courageous enough to pray that, be ready because He’s going to take you to places you’re not enough. And that is a very hard place, especially when your world has been your domain for as long as, you know, whether it was, like, practicing law on my own ability or even being a mom and flipping houses. You still felt a sense of, like, I got this.
Ruth McKeaney[00:25:22]:
So I began to pray this prayer literally every day
Kim Moeller [00:25:25]:
How’d you feel when you said that? Did you think, oh, yeah. You’re right. I need to pray that, or did you feel like that is really scary? I don’t know if I can pray it.
Ruth McKeaney [00:25:32]:
No. He knew my personality well enough to know. I’ll take any single challenge. My mom had given me a couple in my life that I took her on immediately, and the Lord really showed me some things. And they were hard things that I had to be willing to be corrected about. So that doesn’t bother me. And I think the timing of it, the Lord knew I was right to hear it.
A God-sized Story
Ruth McKeaney [00:25:55]:
Because at that point, I was willing to hear anything. I was really in a hard place. Mhmm. So a few, or maybe a month or so after that, I was invited to a Women Doing Well event up in Connecticut. This is before I was on the board of it. So I had been involved. I’d helped at the Philadelphia event. So this is before all that.
Ruth McKeaney [00:26:17]:
And went up to Connecticut with my closest friend, and we’re sitting at, well, she’s one of my very dear friends, Sally Lloyd Jones. We, you know, we love story with Biola and a number of other women who are really pioneers and women who have blown it out as far as business. They’re just incredible. So I’m sitting at this table going, what am I doing here? I’m a stay at home mom. I have no business being in this in this ballroom. And there are several women sitting up on stage, and they were all on a panel, and they were talking about they were leaving their areas of ministry or areas of business to go into ministry. And those I think all of them were in, like, a c-suite position. So one made the statement, I could do a spreadsheet in my sleep, but I didn’t even know how to make a charcuterie board.
Ruth McKeaney [00:27:10]:
And we get in the car, and a Women Doing Well event all has to do with helping you determine what are you passionate about, what do you feel your purpose is, and what is the plan that’s around those things. So we leave this, and I’m in the car. We’re on our way back. And I said to Heather, I’m crying in the car. And I said, I have no idea what I’m passionate about other than blessing people and implementing. What would God ever do with that? Those are my exact words. And then I said, I don’t know my purpose anymore because my kids are leaving. And I definitely don’t have a plan.
Ruth McKeaney [00:27:44]:
And she punched me in the arm as I was driving, and she said, well, at least you know how to make a charcuterie board. So if you ever see a book and you open it up, it opens up with a charcuterie board. Beautiful. So that’s the story of where that came from. So I go to this event. I come home. A couple of months later, I was invited by a dear friend, her name’s Wendy Rogers, who speaks a lot around the country. And she was speaking at the Women of Legacy conference event.
Ruth McKeaney [00:28:15]:
And so she called me and said, hey. Come down and stay with me at this. Well, if I thought that other group was intimidating, this one’s a whole another ballgame. And so I am like, I have no business being in there. And they’re all the night before, they were having cocktails in the Trump Hotel. And I was running late, and when I tell you I’m in my ripped jeans from college, a tank top, and flip flops. And I come breezing in the Trump Hotel, and these women are all dressed to the nines, sitting around having cocktails. And I’m like, what the heck? What am I doing? And I ait down next to the most beautiful regal looking woman.
Kim Moeller [00:28:55]:
And she and I begin to have a conversation, and she starts to cry in our conversation. And she said, you’re my divine appointment.
Ruth McKeaney [00:29:01]:
You’re my divine appointment?
Kim Moeller [00:29:03]:
Yeah. And I said, I’ve never been anyone’s divine appointment. What what does that even mean? And she said, I prayed on my way here, lord. If I’m to be there, make sure I have a divine appointment. She goes and she gets a drink. And while she’s gone, one of the other women leaned over and said, do you know who you’re talking to? I said, I have no idea. And she said, it’s Sarah Perot. I said, I don’t know who Sarah Perot is.
Kim Moeller [00:29:27]:
And she said, well, you can look her up later. But it’s Sarah.
Ruth McKeaney [00:29:32]:
Have you heard of Ross? We spent a little time with each other over the conference, but I didn’t get to see her very often. Now I get home, fast forward about a month, and I’m hosting a wedding for about 300 women or 300 people. And I get chronic migraines. I’ve had them my whole life. And I’m laying on my kitchen floor the day after.
It’s on a Sunday. My husband’s rubbing my head, and my phone starts to beep. And now you need to understand. I’m praying that prayer every day. So in hindsight, when you look back at the tapestry God has weaved
It is mind blowing. Mhmm. So people need to understand is I didn’t know that I believed it would actually happen, nor did I have any understanding of what it would look like. So, anyway, I’m laying there. He’s rubbing my head, and my phone starts to beep. And I said, who is it? He said, it’s Sarah Perot. I said, what does Sarah want? He said, she wants you in London tomorrow. I’m laying on the on the floor and I tell her I have a migraine.
I have five kids at home. I’m not going to London tomorrow. I don’t go to London next week. So this happens after a couple of texts. And Bob says to me, you haven’t even prayed about it. And I don’t know what I’m praying for. I can’t.
So Bob prays and her next text was, “I’m bringing you here.” So me and Sally Jones was also going to go. Well, I said I can’t come tomorrow because she was hosting something and asked if I could come. So I came the next day. I was picked up. The gentleman that picked me up, was kind of like a driver. And he said, oh, we missed you at her party at the Buck. I said the Buck.
He said the Buck.
Can’t tell us.
I had no idea.
So I get to her house, and you need to understand. She is so dear to my heart. And there are those relationships or points in time that you look back and you hit their crossroads?
Kim Moeller [00:31:40]:
Absolutely.
Ruth McKeaney [00:31:41]:
So we spent the week together. And on that last day, Sarah tells Sally and me, I want to take you to my favorite farm outside of London in the Cotswolds for lunch. So we go to this farm. We’re having lunch, and she says to me, why did you even bother unpacking your boxes when you knew you were going to move every eighteen months. And I made the statement. I don’t know where it came from.
Everyone is Hungry for Home
Everyone is hungry for home. Both of them at the same time pick up their computers. I mean, God’s amazing. They look at each other and one says to the other, it hasn’t been taken. And I said, what hasn’t been taken? They said, you’re supposed to write a book. And I said, oh, no. No. No.
Kim, can I tell you and and this is just to kind of take a break to explain to you? I’ve had people in our family who have written a number of books, and there are a number of books that have been written about people in our family. So when we have family reunions, we take out the table so everyone’s books can meet us. I’ve often joked just so everyone knows. I mean, we were all the cousins and aunts were at a lunch a year before this. And one of my aunts said, Okay.
Let’s all go around the table and talk about our next topic of a book. So they get to me, and I was like, I will never write a book. And to understand where that was coming from, it wasn’t just that. It was also that I felt I had nothing to say.
Kim Moeller [00:33:10]:
Mhmm.
Ruth McKeaney [00:33:11]:
And I didn’t feel like I was capable of doing it. And so what are all those things? And I’m not making connections at this point. What are those things that Uncle Hubert’s been asking me to pray for beyond my financial means, my personal capital, and my education? So behind what I have, who I know, and what. So, they both, for the rest of the trip, kept bothering me. You need to write. You need to write. You need to write. You need to tell stories of your uncle.
You need to have to tell stories of your parents. And I said no. I get home, and my sister has been living with us, she lives in one of the guest houses with my dad. And she came over, and she said, how was the trip? And I said, you’re gonna laugh, but they think I need to write a book. And she starts crying instantly. And she said, you’re going to write a book. I said, I’m not writing now, Natasha. And I have nothing to say.
And she said, I have a friend in California who’s an author. Would you have a conversation? And I said, sure. I mean, the most I would do is put all my family recipes into a book for our kids. So I pick up the phone maybe that day, maybe the next day, and I called her friend Jess. And I said, Jess, listen to our story. And she said, I’d like to fly out there. This is bigger than you, and it’s bigger than your family. And I said, what is? She flies out the next week, and we spent a few days together where she spoke to each one in our family, and my closest friend.
And at the end of that, she said, I’d like to collaborate with you and write a book. And I said, no. And, I mean, your confidence reaches this place of where for me, it did. I didn’t think I had anything to offer. And I didn’t you know, unless I needed to go learn a new skill. It just wasn’t there. Right. And on the last day, and the story is all going somewhere, on the last day before she flew back to California, she and my sister went to all the stores in our area.
They went to home stores, bookstores, gardening stores. And I’m on that couch where I had been sitting with Uncle Hubert, and they walk into my living room. And she walks in with these two beautifully wrapped presents. And she said, before I leave, I wanted to give you two gifts. So I opened the first gift and it’s this really cool, teapot from a store called Terrain. Do you know Terrain?
Kim Moeller [00:35:35]:
Yes. Yes.
Ruth McKeaney [00:35:36]:
So if this is isn’t God? He’s got such a sense of humor. So she says to me, for those times when you’re asking the Lord for that vision beyond your resources, I want you to have a cup of tea. And I started laughing and I said, I don’t drink tea and I’m not writing a book. Okay. And can I say this? Do you realize that Terrain became the first company that asked to co-brand with me?
Kim Moeller[00:35:59]:
Of course it did.
Ruth McKeaney [00:36:01]:
I mean, God’s like, I’ve got everything covered. So He hands me the second gift, and she said before you opened it and, again, like I just said, she goes, I went to all the stores in the area looking. If you ever put out a book, I wanted to see if I could find one I thought it would look like. I thought, well, this is interesting. I opened it up, and I opened the book, and I said, where is this? She said, I have no idea. We look in the back. It’s the farm outside of London that Sarah had taken us to. The chances of that happening I’m gonna say were zero.
Ruth McKeaney[00:36:36]:
It’s not even like a point 01. It’s zero. I hadn’t told anyone the name of the place or that we had gone to the farm. I had said nothing. And I got on my knees in tears, and I said, I will be obedient. I have no idea what to do, where to be. And Jessica said, I’m going to put an app on your phone, and every Monday, for six months, she sent me a list of questions on Sunday, and I I would talk into my phone and answer and tell stories.
[00:37:08]:
It would transcribe onto her computer, and then we would work together.
Kim Moeller [00:37:12]:
That’s perfect.
Ruth McKeaney [00:37:13]:
Then over COVID, a friend came and took 33,000 photos.I was sitting at my living room table with my sister, and we cut and pasted, tried to figure out what we were doing. And at the end of that, it was Labor Day weekend. And I was sitting, Wendy, that same person that I had stayed with said, I’m going to put you on a call with the gentleman who wrote the Purpose Driven Life with Rick Warren. You know, I mean, have a conversation with him about publishing. And I was like, okay. I don’t know what I’m doing.
Ruth McKeaney [00:37:42]:
You need to understand. I don’t know what I’m doing. And we get on this call, and he says, after a long conversation, he said, here’s your problem. What’s your social media? I said, I don’t have social media. He said, okay. You’re not a household name, and you have no social media, which means you can’t provide a marketing engine behind you, which is what the publishing houses are out looking for. You can’t just walk in and publish. Self publishing has grown to be such a big animal.
Kim Moeller [00:38:12]:
Right.
Ruth McKeaney [00:38:12]:
They’re requiring that kind of an engine behind you. So he said you need to self publish. Well, I then hung up. Bob and I are sitting on these chairs in the kitchen. I can remember like it’s yesterday. And I said, Bob, I’m done. I said, put this stack of 300 pages into a three ring binder, and we’re gonna give it to the kids for Christmas. I think I just wanted to know if I would be obedient.
Ruth McKeaney [00:38:33]:
He said, why aren’t you praying? And I was like, because I’m not self publishing. We sat there. He prayed. We finished praying. He looked at me, and he goes, I think my new partner from South Africa just bought a printing company. He picks up the phone. He calls Michael. He says, do you do books? Michael said, I have no idea.
Publishing My First Book
Ruth McKeaney [00:38:55]:
I’ll call you right back. Michael says we do. I’ll have it done in six weeks. I’ll only charge her our cost. Have her in the boardroom tomorrow. I will have the heads of every department in that room who are gonna walk her through the process. When I tell you that I can’t take credit for one thing God has done, He gets credit for everything, I slowed him down because I didn’t believe or have faith or have the courage sometimes to keep moving forward. So I can’t take any credit.
Ruth McKeaney [00:39:34]:
Not even you know, the television show that you mentioned earlier. Originally, I had thought, well, I did the book. It’s done. Right? And He’s like, oh, no. You’re just getting started. We’re just going to keep growing because where I’m putting you is going to get bigger. And so I got a call from Homeworthy. Allison Kenworthy was a producer of Good Morning America, and she went on her own to develop Homeworthy.
Ruth McKeaney [00:40:03]:
And I had someone who’d given her my book. And I get this call, it’s a year and a half ago. She left a message and said, we’d like to come interview you for our show HomeWriting, which is a a worldwide platform. They do a lot of designers like Bunny Williams and things like that. So I immediately, when I get this message, research her, and I called her back and said, no. You can’t. And then she said, what do you mean I can’t come? And I said, I am not a big designer. I’m just a stay at home mom.
My husband and I have gone to garage sales to do our home. We’ve done the home ourselves. I’m not what you’re looking for. And she said, you are. So she comes out, interviews me. That episode went to a million very quickly, and they’ve never had anyone go to a million. And a year and a half ago, she calls me and says, would you be willing to talk to my husband? I said, sure. She said, let me tell you who he is before you get on the phone with him.
He’s a producer of Disney as well as ABC. So he gets on the phone, and he says, your episode is my favorite. Do you know Diane Sawyer? I said, yes. He said she wanted to see my favorite episode. I sent it to her. He said, would you be willing to have a conversation with us in a few months? I didn’t know what that conversation was. A year ago in December, they called me and said, would you be willing to do your own show? And I said, may I have a few weeks to pray about it? And they’re a secular group.
Ruth McKeaney[00:41:32]:
And they called me a few weeks later, and I said, you know, I’m not a chef. I’m not a designer. I’m not a gardener. I just know how to utilize each one of those things to love people well. And he said, you’re different than anyone we have. Would you please do your own show? So when I say, god’s continued to give a platform that I can’t take credit for
Ruth McKeaney [00:41:55]:
I love it, Ruth.
Kim Moeller [00:41:57]:
Yeah. So I, you know, I almost always cry when I tell the story because it continues to be a battle to, stay encouraged in a space that is not my lane. Mhmm. And, social media is not my lane.
Ruth McKeaney [00:42:17]:
And, you know But you do such a good job. No. You’re very I think that you hear a thousand positive things. And that one negative thing, I can’t get out of my brain. Mhmm. And so to to be willing to almost sacrifice my own need to be comfortable and confident Sure. Right. In a really hard process.
Kim Moeller[00:42:40]:
Mhmm. Mhmm. Well, I mean, you think of the 13 year old who gets the negative comment on social media and how that wrecks her. You know? And it’s not easy for anybody. But I love how when you’re out of your comfort zone, it has to be all God. It cannot be us at all. And so that’s the beauty, He gets all the glory.
Kim Moeller [00:43:02]:
And, you know, this concept of home and the family and marriages and relationships and friendships and bringing beauty in. In our pre conversation, I mentioned Edith Schaeffer. And, you know, she had that same message and wrote that book Tapestry and just the threads and the family, the legacy piece. And in our crazy busy busy lives and culture, like you said, if we don’t intentionally think of what we’re creating, it’s just not going to happen. Something’s unintentional is going happen.
Ruth McKeaney [00:43:37]:
You know, my Country Home was here doing a Christmas spread a couple of years ago, and the interviewer said, what do you say to all those people who think you’ve created the perfect home and perfect family? And I actually started crying, and I said, I hope that is not what I’m conveying because our whole desire has been to create a safe place to be improved. Mhmm. And, you know, recently, I was watching the Martha Stewart Netflix.
Kim Moeller [00:44:04]:
Yes. I saw that too.
Perfectly Imperfect
Ruth McKeaney [00:44:05]:
The whole statement was perfectly perfect. And something I had started saying a few years ago was perfectly imperfect. And the difference between the pressure. You know, my mom when I first started entertaining, my mom said to me, Ruth, entertaining and hosting isn’t about performance or profession. It’s about loving people well, and there’s a difference. And people know when it’s about the host versus the guest. And so it grieved me. I mean, it was fascinating to watch that.
But it grieved me because that’s what we’ve held onto as this pinnacle of homemaking. Right? Perfectly perfect. That is not what it’s about.
Kim Moeller [00:44:48]:
Mhmm. It’s much better to say the opposite. Right? Imperfectly imperfect.
Ruth McKeaney [00:44:53]:
Perfectly imperfect. Imperfect. And wanting to encourage people to give of their home and themselves to those outside of the home. So Mhmm.
Kim Moeller [00:45:06]:
She’s such an icon. You know? Like, I think of her. I love that documentary. I learned so much that I didn’t know about that whole legal case and the time when she went to prison. One time, I was on a Delta flight, and I watched a similar show about Ralph Lauren. And when you think of those two individuals and how they have radically affected our whole picture of home and businessmen and women.
Brilliant. Exactly. And someone said about her, Marie Forleo, who runs this online b school, she said Martha just kept creating. Like, she got shut down and she created something else. You know what I thought?
Ruth McKeaney [00:45:40]:
When you looked at it and the cost to her?. Yes. I was looking and watching, wondering, to what end? To what end is all of it? And I think that’s where, for me, to the end, is the soul of the home. And, you know, someone reached out to see if I’d be willing to do another flipping show. To me, I think that the entire market is saturated, but it can’t be about the four walls. It’s the soul of the house.
Use the four walls and what you create in it to go into that, but it’s not just about making things perfectly perfect.
Kim Moeller [00:46:17]:
No. No. Right? Or intimidating the guests, and they just feel like, well, I’m never having them over to my house, that kind of thing.
Ruth McKeaney [00:46:23]:
I mean, no. Whose house are you most comfortable? The one who can go in and put your feet up, and the kids are running through screaming.
Kim Moeller [00:46:29]:
And have a great conversation.
Ruth McKeaney [00:46:31]:
Have a great conversation.
Kim Moeller [00:46:35]:
I know we’re already at time, and I just love how I I want to talk to you in ten years and see what God has done.
Ruth McKeaney [00:46:44]:
I need to read one little poem at the beginning of the book.
Kim Moeller [00:46:47]:
Please. That’d be perfect. Please do.
Ruth McKeaney [00:46:49]:
Alright. People are born with an innate desire to belong. We are designed to grow roots to know the love of a parent, to enjoy the pleasure of shared secrets with siblings, and to trust our tribe. Home is the foundation for a full abundant life. One where we share burdens, embrace frailty, and encourage greatness. Home is where we mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. Home is how we welcome others and love truly. Home chooses peace and truth and goodness and hard work over the easy way out.
Ruth McKeaney [00:47:21]:
We are all hungry for home in a world where homemaking is quickly becoming a lost art, but it is not lost yet. Restoration is always possible. Great things can grow out of ruins. Families can thrive in places that were once unfit for life. Demolish the rot and rebuild your walls. Start on a new foundation if necessary. Take it from me. You will never regret the effort it takes to make your house your own.
Kim Moeller [00:47:49]:
Favorite Bible Verse, Book, and Bargain
Oh, so so beautiful. Well, if you’re watching on YouTube, this book is just an incredible book. Looks like this. Hungry for Home. Go get it online or go to Ruth’s website. And, yeah, I’m looking forward to your next book. I know.
Ruth McKeaney [00:48:15]:
Okay. But I need you just quickly to share Bible verse and book you’re reading and recent bargain.
Ruth McKeaney [00:48:21]:
I realize a lot of people claim this as their Bible verse, but it has been an encouragement my whole life in this format. I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you and to give you a hope and a future. And that’s Jeremiah 29:11. And I think, you know, I’ve gone through things with my core original family as well as this one where I hung on with the diapers. Secondly, the book I’m reading, it’s with a leadership group. I know a lot of people have heard about it. It’s, you know, a secular book, but it’s called Let Them.
Ruth McKeaney [00:48:51]:
And it’s just been, amazing. And then what was your third oh, what is the shop? I love to go to high end consignment home stores or any kind of consignment home stores to find these. So I can always find a fabulous I love my oriental rugs to look beaten up. I love you know? So I would say find a consignment home store.
Kim Moeller [00:49:15]:
Well, thank you so much for the generosity of your time. And, you know, today as we’ve looked at those two pillars of faith and family and what God has woven through all of those threads in your family, I know the listeners are hearing the same thing. He’s building a beautiful tapestry. And maybe as a listener, you’re in that season of, what is my identity? I used to do this, and now I don’t know. Things are changing. And that is the thing with Christianity. It’s never static. He’s always forcing us to grow and move into that new space and just seeking that clarity for the calling and the peace that He gives us.
Conclusion
Kim Moeller [00:49:57]:
And even if it’s unfamiliar territory, we never thought we’d be in this spot. But when He wants us there, He will provide. He’ll give us the strength. And so I think your journey of never wanting to be where you are now is beautiful because you can only do it with His strength.
Ruth McKeaney [00:50:14]:
Yes, I can only do it with his strength. Mhmm. For my encouragement to people, yeah, is to encourage younger women who are starting out in this journey too, of creating home. Yeah, it’s a foreign concept in the image for the younger families. We are running hard and fast.
Kim Moeller [00:50:30]:
Yes, exactly.
Kim Moeller [00:50:31]:
We’re down enough to not pay the cost of it. So I think that, yeah, encouraging women of all ages, their identity is in Him and what He has to do.
Kim Moeller [00:50:41]:
Yes. Well, you’ve been a great encouragement to me with this conversation. So God bless you, Ruth, and thank you again.
Ruth McKeaney [00:50:48]:
You got it. Thank you, Kim.
Kim Moeller[00:50:55]:
Thanks so much for joining us today on the Generous Grill podcast. We’re so glad that you’re here. And if you know of someone that you think needs to be a guest on this podcast, please reach out to us. New episodes are released every other week, and you can follow us on YouTube and on all platforms. Thanks for being here, and we’ll see you next time.
